by Robert Lindsay
(Edinburgh, Scotland)
Now with author's reading - https://soundcloud.com/humanature2001/the-taming-of-the-scots-tongue
This Robert has a tale to tell
Now listen guid and learn it well
For who can tell 'for whom the bell'
Will for you toll?
When Mither tongue's removed
Ye lose yer soul
Now let me tell ye aboot ma lot
The evil-ution o’ a Scot
I moved from 'cannae' to cannot
'Yonder' to there..
From couthy sayings o’ ma kin
Tae debonair
I’ve trained my memory to blot
Out Whit? And Eh? and ask you What?
And all because I am a Scot
Of native breed
For sake o’ compre-hen-si-on
I did concede
Ye neednae bother telling me
To learn yer English ABC
I’ve even changed from ZED to ZEE
To please you’ze lot..
Oh what a traitor to my kind
I’ve come to be
To force ma tongue an’ heart an’ mind
Wi' suffering brain, and teeth in grind
Ye’ve no idea how unkind
It feels to me
To speak oot like announcers fine
O’ BBC
For Scots with accents cannot win
And now I've shed so many skins
Will polite company let me in?
And let me speak
In borrowed tones and emphases
Supremely meek?
But why did Scottish King James I (ONE)
Not point a great big, scary gun
And kick some ass (and kick some bum)
Of English foe
To make our accent overcome
When gi’en
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